Just taking a well-earned late lunchbreak from the wonderful world of pensions when this duck and four ducklings waddled past the window on the very busy Henwood Road in Tettenhall, Wolverhampton.
After I came out to try and keep them from getting flattened on the road I was joined by a lady pushing her baby along in a pushchair as we tried to shepherd them to safety without touching – mum would probably reject the ducklings if we did.
Also, having been bitten on the bum by a swan in the past, I had a pretty good idea what would happen if I tried to manhandle mum.
A phone call to the RSPCA produced another number to speak to expert inspectors and the vets said we should call the police to warn them of a road traffic danger in case they dived into traffic but the police said it was not the type of stuff they deal with.
I know this is true because I watch Lewis, The Killing, Spiral, Wallender, The Bridge, Taggart, CSI, Special Victims Unit and all that sort of stuff and have never seen them taking down a duck and her ducklings.
After a while the mum had to get back to Meadow View to feed the baby so I was on my own, knocking on doors to ask somewhat bemused neighbours if their back gardens led out onto the Smestow Valley Park and thence to the mighty waters of the Smestow or the great highway that is the Staffordshire and Worcestershire Canal.
One was not in, another had the back garden access blocked off by a fence and the duck and ducklings were getting awfully close to the point where the road narrows to just one pavement.
A door knock saw a totally laid back lady confirm that their garden did have a way through to the Smestow Valley and said duck and ducklings were shepherded through to – hopefully – disappear to safety.
This is written in the hope that the lady with the baby in the pushchair might pick up on it and find that the story may have had a happy ending.
Now where did I put that stuff on the pension fund technical provisions ?